American Dream: This is fucking LONG.


SKRA012 XS133
Back when grass grew in the middle of your driveway.

“Either someone just microwaved popcorn or I hear the sound of a thousand people pulling their heads out of their asses in rapid succession”

-Watsky

When the Crusaders told me this week’s prompt was popcorn my first thought was that I wish Babe would be on prompt rotation this week. My second thought was of the above quote, by poet and rapper George Watsky, from the song/poem Tiny Glowing Screens, Pt. 2. I used to hate the guy’s lisp but then with talent like that you realize his tongue is just tired of all the shit that comes out of his mouth so damn fast.

In the song he talks about hypocrisy and society’s obsession with themselves and how birds of a feather fuck each other or however the saying goes. So I thought, hey, these blog scavengers are probably tired of reading really short posts and are all searching for the same thing: a long opinionated article on hypocrisy and society’s obsession with themselves and how birds of a feather fuck each other. Here you go blog scavengers. Here you fucking go.

PART 1
THE AMERICAN DREAM (might apply to any country! I don’t know.)

You’re brainwashed. I don’t like starting out like that because this really isn’t a piece about the illuminati (sorry B.o.B) but it is a piece about how you think you think you know. And it all comes from your fucked up, loving parents. Actually, their parents. They were told from a very young age that life is unpredictable. Your parents’ parents, more commonly knows as the people who still send you five dollars for your birthday, they didn’t know consistency. Stock markets crash and wars start and when they end they never really end. They taught their children to be safe, because safe was the American Dream. They said, hey kids, the world is fucked up, follow these steps or else you’ll get fucked up just like it. But your parents were goddamn hippies, and they couldn’t be fooled into thinking that life’s a box. Unfortunately, all that ganja caught up to them (just kidding, more like the economy) and now they’re working 60 hours a week barely able to afford the wi-fi your dad uses to fuck off to weird fetishes because he wants to save his marriage but your mom isn’t putting out because shit, gathering the energy to orgasm after working 10 hours a day and cooking and doing dishes is hard enough without considering she popped out three kids twenty years ago and hasn’t felt attractive since. So now they eat dinner in front of the TV the way their parents told them never to and the whole time they think, shit I should’ve listened.

PART 2
I DON’T HAVE A TITLE FOR THIS ONE

So your parents train you. They lead by example – by being negative role models. I know you’ve heard your parents say shit like, “you don’t want to end up like us, do you?” Cautionary tale. And you think, goddamn, I don’t want to end up like that. So you listen to what they say and it carries weight because all the people on TV who also had fucked up parents and are also disappointed say that your parents are right and you should play it safe. Then they read you quotes that say “TAKE RISKS” but the risks they talk about are mentioning your weaknesses in an interview but it’s not really a weakness more of a strength that could sound like a weakness. Like perfectionism. I’m morally coded and will rat out friends. Too focused to socialize. Bullshit weaknesses.

You go to college and get a degree and get a job in a field that has nothing to do with your parents. There it is. Success.

PART 3
JUST KIDDING, NOT SUCCESS

You’re miserable. You are, I know it man. That’s okay, because your parents trained you to play it safe and if you’re lost to ask for direction. For a map to the correct American Dream. So you look for people who are happy. To follow in their steps. Unfortunately, everybody is miserable so every time you seek advice you just get shitty advice that makes you more miserable. It’s so hard to find the right advice because you’ve spent years silencing that voice in your gut that has told you all of this was bullshit from the start. The little voice that said, hold up I gotta sit still at this table for how many hours? You said, yes, because I don’t want to end up like my parents. But shit, now what? You’ve done everything your parents didn’t do and did everything everybody else told you to do and – oh wait, did you do anything you told yourself to do? Have you ever told yourself to do anything, sourced directly from the tip of your dick? The core of your gut? The nerves that remind you what pleasure is?

PART 4
I DON’T HAVE A SOLUTION

Yeah, so after writing all about how you can’t take other peoples’ advice I can’t turn around and give you advice. So this isn’t advice. None of this was – it’s just me bitching. But what I can say is that every generation has always sought the American Dream, eagerly chasing predefined conceptions of success and absolutely hating it when any part of their life isn’t aligned with that cookie-cutter dream. I’ve never met one person – not one! – who had a definition of success I had never heard of before. That guy who was successful every day because he ate candy. The girl who was successful every day because she played the same four songs on the piano she learned as a kid. Why is that? Why are we all so different yet we all strive for the EXACT same goal? At least one of these goals applies to you: loaded; “happy” (nobody knows what this means but they think it’s what you do when you smile in Instagram pictures); fucking hot people on different modes of transportation; and/or a job where we don’t do shit and get paid like we do all the shit. Cookie-cutter.

Food for thought. Hope you didn’t choke on my four-course meal.

Question of the day: what’s a piece of advice you’ve followed that turned out to be complete BS?

G. Z. Kieft

And by BS I mean bullshit. I mean, why go PG now.

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6 thoughts on “American Dream: This is fucking LONG.

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