Fuck Star Wars


Star Wars

What is happening to the world? Star Wars is owned by a company that is rumored to have the head of its creator preserved on ice. The House of Mouse now owns one of the defining sci-fi films of a generation. And the stories that are connected to it. I like Disney so why is this such an affront to me?

It isn’t because they have a checkered history with sequels. Hollywood inspires people to make sequels even though the compelling story has been told. Does anyone remember “Fox and the Hound 2”, “Aladdin 2: Return of Jafar”, or “Bambi 2”? The epic ball-drop that is not using the same voices in animated sequels makes my brain boil. I can’t even watch the fucking movies. It is worse than watching poorly synced films where the lips moving and words are just slightly off. I keep looking around the screen for the imposter that snuck into my beloved character’s scene. No. These aren’t the atrocities that I am worried about from Disney with Star Wars. In fact, I’m not worried about anything at all. I’m sad at the passing of an age.

There is an excitement ingrained in seeing something amazing and knowing that it is underappreciated by society at large. There are modern phrases associated with “being in on the ground floor” and “the next big thing”. There is validation to seeing something go mainstream and knowing that you had the independence of thought to say, “Hey… I like this and it is something special.” Maybe at a time before it is cool or accepted; even if the awesomeness is known. Once everyone knows, it sucks the fun right out of it. Especially when it gets dumbed down or changed to the point where giggling teenagers can butcher the shit out of the basic science or principles.

“He used the light-sword thingy and cut that guy’s arm off. Gross.” I want to jump to the defense but I won’t. Just like the assholes who point out that real lasers are silent and wouldn’t make the sounds like they do in the movie. What if those “Pew pew” sounds were added because they are fucking awesome. What if there are little speakers in the handle of the guns because it lets the soldiers know that they discharged a weapon. What if blind people want to enjoy a gunfight? Did you think of that? No, because you are selfish and an asshole.

I mourn the feeling – what I thought Star Wars was. There is nothing wrong with bringing the story home to a new generation but for me it makes things feel different. There are characters I don’t know and don’t have the time to at the moment. There are Star Wars: Force Awakens – Official Puppy Training Mats so excuse the shit out of me for feeling that something has been lost amidst the super-sized budget and marketing.

Star Wars created a world where anything was possible and simply believing could summon the power to win the day. It contained wisdom. It inspired the future. There are articles, even today, about verifying the physical possibility of a light saber, which I think scientists have done by the way. Street cred is available to anyone who builds an X-Wing that actually flies or a fully functioning Death Star.

Star Wars isn’t the only game in town. Star Trek is arguably just as much or more of a force (no pun intended) in the science fueled world of nerd-ism. There are countless other examples of stories that inspire thought, innovation, humanity, and fan fiction. The exception is that they don’t bend over a stump and get pimped by mega-retailers to the crowds at large.

Keep it real Disney. Content is king. Tell me a story and give me characters who I can love and hate, maybe at the same time. Make me proud and make my children love sci-fi. Don’t have me leaving the theatre thinking to myself, Fuck Star Wars.

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9 thoughts on “Fuck Star Wars

  1. Unfortunately this happened with Star Wars 1 2 and 3. After Jar Jar Binks and the pained performance of the adolescent Anakin Skywalker, this is their last chance to retain the loyalty of my generation who watched the original trilogy (not the digitalised version) at the theatre…

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      1. Oh damn. I posted mine on my phone so maybe I hit the wrong button when I was in the Posts folder. But yeah I’m not apologizing. It’s good and we sure as shit could do with some clickbait every now and then.

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