The Inmates and I


I’ve always wanted Australia. As far as I’m concerned, it’s still one of the best toe holds to lock down on the board. Sure, you’re not going to swell the ranks, but if you dig in deep enough, you can hold on for dear life. Let the others start their land wards in Asia, they can have them. That’s just a quagmire, anyways. Yeah, I get it, look at all those reinforcements, but that’s a lot of ground to cover. Good luck.

You can find me in Brisbane behind a bajillion cannons.

Now, don’t get me wrong, your sweep across Africa was impressive. You had real hot run through Egypt, no question. What’s more, I can see you thinking over some kind of flanking attack by way of Alaska. That’s cute, but there’s nothing but hostile forces along either coastline. Best of luck with that.

I’ll be having tea with the inmates.

It’s real cozy here, behind all this cavalry and cannon. We’ve been fortifying for months. I really love the way the morning sun glints off of the cannons. It’s beautiful, really. My grandfather always said war was hell on a man’s soul, but if I’m being honest, it’s been awful boring. Don’t get me wrong, I would rather my fighting forces be stir crazy than bleeding out somewhere in Ukraine.

One second, I’ve got to get those scones out before they burn. Burnt scones are seriously the worst.

Did you happen to grab any proper whiskey when you were losing forces as you cut through Great Britain? I hope so. My men are good at fortifying defenses, but they have crap whiskey. I’d love to tell you I only drink top shelf, or I don’t drink at all, but that’s not true. Around here, drinking is the best way to pass the time while you and the other guy blow each other across all seven levels of hell. Well, drinking and pissing you off.

That’s why I keep that one squad in Siam. I’ll tell you what, there’s a disproportionate number of the inmates who love them some The King and I. Now, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I love a Rodgers and Hammerstein tune as much as the next generlisimo, but for the love of Ares, if I have to hear “I Whistle a Happy Tune” one more time, I’m going to sink this island.

The inmates couldn’t carry a tune if it were manacled to them.

This week’s prompt is “risk.”


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