falling in love is not something i achieve naturally. i look like i’m drowning, arms flailing in a wino’s paper cup. saw a film yesterday where a girl on the lip of an affair says: i don’t like who i am when i’m in love. i’m a cunt when i’m in love. don’t stare, fumble with the clasp of your briefcase while we stand in line, wait for our coffee. you don’t want to be here today, don’t want to be a boy today. i plug in my earphones. still you eye the girl in yellow flip‐flops skin dark like volcanic soil. you cannot resist. your hand touches my elbow. your voice punctures, it is the sound of bad luck. we fuck. then you find i’m like any other girl who feels she owns you as soon as you unzip.