I currently have two, I guess you could call them… potentials, in my life.
I’ll call them Mr. Right and Mr. Freaky.
I can write about them freely because I’m about 90% certain they will never read this post.
And if they do happen to stumble upon it… oh well, I’m a balls-out kind of girl anyway.
I met Mr. Right when we were freshman in high school. We connected immediately. We were friends, but never more, although I secretly thought there might be a deeper connection than either of us would ever admit to. Life happened and we lost contact after high school. Flash forward to 16 years later, we recently got in touch, both of us are divorced and our friendship is taking off right where we left it.
Mr. Right and I are perfect for each other. We are like personality mirror images. We have similar views, humor, experiences and approaches to life. We get along so well it’s scary. He makes me laugh all the time. I trust him, even though he’s been absent from my life for years. He still has all the mementos of me from high school like letters I’ve written and the gift I gave him for graduation. He’s sweet, funny, attractive, sensitive, caring, consistent, and inquisitive. Sounds perfect, right?
Except that he has a girlfriend. And kids. And baggage. Lots of baggage that he still needs to deal with. He’s also oblivious to the fact that I might be interested in him as more than a friend. And he lives kinda far.
So there’s that.
Mr. Freaky is a guy from college who was after me throughout my undergraduate degree. Mr. Freaky is a perpetual bachelor, never in want for female companionship. A bit of a playboy really. He is incredibly charming and smooth talking, as well as intelligent. During college, I always kept him at bay, never quite trusting him enough to fall for his charms. It left him quite frustrated but he never waivered in his pursuit of me. It had been 12 years since I last had contact with him when we got in touch again recently. He’s still the same, charming and intelligent as ever, and quite determined to have me. (forgive the following narcissistic quip). I guess I’m the kind of girl that leaves a lasting impression. He wouldn’t be the first guy left infatuated with me for several years. 😉 But he’s emotionally unavailable, only because he won’t let me get to know him. He’s incredibly guarded and doesn’t seem comfortable with emotional intimacy.
I call him Mr. Freaky because he is so upfront in his desire for me that he tells me gritty details of what he would like to do to me. He gets turned on by pictures of me in regular clothes. He unabashedly tells me how much he’s wanted me for years and imagines me while he pleasures himself (well at least there’s a few times that I know of).
Let’s pause for a second.
I know that I should be wary and slightly repulsed by this. However, I have blood running through my veins. And I have a dark, erotic side that secretly enjoys Mr. Freaky’s kinks and straightforwardness. I mean, come on, guy pining for you for years! Finds you irresistibly hot! This is the stuff harlequin romance novels are made of! I am aware that he may be trying to play me and/or this may be a chase and conquer thing, but he’s held this torch for years. I have to give the guy props for that.
Back to my thoughts…
So Mr. Freaky wants to get into my panties. When we first reconnected he came on way too strong and freaked me out so I pushed him back. We’ve always had this weird push/pull relationship. It makes for great sexual tension. Lately he’s been lagging it, though. I suspect he’s backed off because he doesn’t realize just how close he really is to getting what he’s after. He should really be more consistent. So, ha, Mr. Freaky! It’s your own damn fault you haven’t gotten what you want!
Things I want to do with Mr. Right:
Snuggle into his chest and sob (it will all make sense in future posts, I promise)
Nurture the hell out of him
Fawn over him and make him feel like the most wonderful, attractive man in the entire world
Have lots and lots of smoldering, steamy, passionate sex until he has a permanent smile on his face and then continue to have said sex as maintenance for said smile
Have his babies and grow old together
Things I want to do with Mr. Freaky:
Have hot, kinky, meaningless sex
Okay, so there might be some of you who think that Mr. Freaky gets the good stuff without the emotional attachment. To those people I say, (be prepared for another narcissistic quip) that’s because you have never been on the receiving end of being loved by me. It can be quite intoxicating and comes with a lots of pleasurable benefits. Mr. Freaky would most likely end up wanting more. Or so I would like to believe. I’m just saying. (okay, end of narcissistic rant).
I have done neither with both. I’m not sure if I will either. Things may not ever progress with either guy. Plus, I am not currently in the emotional space to get into anything serious or to just have meaningless sex. For right now at least. I know that considering my recent posts, that last part may seem odd for me to say, but I have just been enjoying exploring the sensual side of myself. And who knows what the future holds…
In defense of my character, despite the fact that I may seem unhinged and dysfunctional, I am actually fairly level-headed, wise and surprisingly well-adjusted given the shit storm my life has been, especially in the past two years.
So, two guys on two opposite ends of the spectrum:
(Note to Mr. Right- you just might be a blind idiot)
And Mr. I-have-no-feelings-for-because-it-would-never-go-anywhere-plus-he’s-emotionally-guarded-and-will-probably-never-let-me-in-but-I’m-strangely-turned-on-by-him-and-I-don’t-understand-why-but-hot-sex-is-really-tempting-right-now.
(Note to Mr. Freaky- you might want to jump on it soon before I lose interest)
Can anyone recommend a Mr. In-Between?